Parents are busy these days. In the early years it might be daycare, or coordinating schedules for who can be home with the baby. Later its feeling like a Uber driver shuttling the kids around to school, post school activities, birthdays, friend parties, etc.
Time runs out so fast its easy to lose track and let the days, months and years race by. I was a young dad and this was definitely the case for me. I blinked and I had four kids and they were starting to go to college!
Something I wish I would have started earlier was father daughter/son dates. This isn’t a new concept but I these is a way to do it right and I’m going to share with you the keys to making these special dates really special.
They Got Used To Me Being Gone
Get your family on your calendar! As a entrepreneur I was a terrible time manager, I prioritized what needed to be done and the business always took priority. I know it can seem like there are no options and in ways as a father I used to justify the time away from family as my “sacrifice” and almost duty to work as hard as I have but believe me when I state the obvious, your family wants more quality time with you. Not sporadic time, in-between e-mails, conference calls or the leftovers at the end the day. I’m talking real, focused in conversation, actually paying attention and engaging time with your flesh and blood.
The lesson I learned and struggled with for so long was to get your family on your business calendar. It is very difficult to manage your business/family schedule separately and maintain a good relationships inside a busy family. Plan out time for your family, sneak in a lunch at the school once month, or a lunch with your significant other. Get it done!
Trust me, there is no perfect week of absolute productivity where you don’t miss a beat and crush it 24/7. You might think that’s whats happening until you come home from a long trip having spend weeks on the road and instead of a welcome home procession of hugs and kisses, you are met with a simple “Oh hey dad, glad your home” from the couch. It becomes the norm that Dad isn’t home and the family builds memories without needing you in the picture all the time. This was the situation with me and I just described a actual scenario where I had been traveling non-stop for months and one day I came home and realized everyone has gotten used to me being gone… Father daughter/son dates were born here for me.
The concept started as a simple request and dedicated time. My girls dictated what they wanted to do an it normally ended up being a trip to bath and body works, food at their favorite fast food restaurant and one game played (bowling, electric scooters, etc.).
What I didn’t expect was the anticipation and the build up to the special day and how fun that was.
Anticipation Builds Real Connection
Here is the really cool thing that happens when you put your loved ones on your calendar. That thing you keep telling them about that keeps you away from them and previously the thing that never included them… We’ll now it becomes the thing you get to talk about every time you see them…. Hey, so what where are we going to eat? Lets plan it out! What do you want to do? Want to try that new VR thing at Andretti’s?
I love the anticipation, it gets me excited to see them happy to do something with Dad.. Don’t get me wrong, the random acts of Dad kindness that happens when we see the kiddos sad or having a hard day are great but they don’t carry the weight of a planned day.
When I say day, it’s a date, 2-5 hours. I know schedules are tight but treat it as a business meeting and get it done baby! You also don’t have to spend a fortune if times are tight. Lord know’s all of us have tight times but buy some body spay on sale, let them get their favorite frosty at Wendy’s and bowl one round of bowling on a not prime bowling night. Trust me the time you spend focused on your babies is never time you will look at as wasted.
I would at times purposely plan our father daughter/son date a few weeks out just so we could talk about it for weeks to come and say how we are both excited and can’t wait!
Build Don’t Maintain
I’m not trying to preach on this, what touches my heart more than anything is for my kids to know that I love them and as the years tick by it gets harder to show them the real love Dad/Mom has for them. These dates have a real impact on them and it will on you as well.
Business is very hard to control, work, everything is fluid at times. It’s frustrating looking back and seeing so much time wasted on intentions with work and outcomes missing the mark. Your disappointed with yourself, with your job maybe, and worse, your family might be disappoint in you as well by not prioritizing them. Sound familiar?
Get your family on your calendar.
1. Let them buy something (big/small), whatever just make it fun
2. Let them pick the place to eat or maybe just pick the treat (Ice cream, cookies!)
3. Play with them, phone off, have fun and tell them you love them!
I promise, whatever your week was like, you will never regret these special times that go too fast.
